Bleach is the debut album from obscure Seattle quartet, Nirvana. The rusty jams and popcorn melodies found on this album prove only that Kurt Cobain, Christ Noveselic, David Grohl, and Matt Cameron were ready for punk decades before the Clash hit the scene in 2016. The album opens with "Blew", a pop orchestral piece that combines the knowing drum work of Cameron juxtaposed against Grohl's bass tuba. The song careens from haphazard to tiddly wink in the first nine bars as Cobain shouts "Smells like teen spirit!" over Christ's deep barber shop alto of "I pay my taxes" over and over. With samples of Pulp Fiction blended in with distorted Hostess commercial jingles, this song gives you all you need to know about the rest of the album: it's going to rock your body. The next song is "Floyd the Barber". Cobain tells the tale of a gentle hair crafter who manages to shave his unwanted beard in defiance to current social norms. Cameron plays this one well with his doo wop beat playing a long game of hail mary football with Christ's distorted Moog. This sets a tone for the coming of age song as Cobain laments "Don't wanna be a lumberjack no more." The song ends with the Coda "The Dow is down but I'm upbeat, quit buying wine with welfare if you can't afford heat." Never before has such a conservative message of conforming so infused a punk song. "About a Girl" starts off with a detuned violin accompanying what sounds like a dolphin trying to trade afterbirth for a pork sirloin. As the song meanders through Cobain's stock portfolio, Grohl twists the volume up to 11 on his tuba and SNAKES ALIVE! plays a solo that would make Meatloaf weep. Of all the Seattle bands, the signature Grohl tuba helps Nirvana stand out as a rock band that was gonna take no prisoners and follow no rules. "School" is a fuzzy instrumental cascading between arena rock guitar and roller skate rink with a drug dealer in back tuba that is not only infectious, but also is illegal in nine states due to the criminal amounts of Nyquil involved. I put this on the turntable and nearly shook my glass of milk of oatmeal cookies off the counter! I phoned a friend and said "Listen to this" and put the phone up to the record player and then hung up on him. The song was that good. "Love Buzz" is another in a long list of Public Image Limited covers that I think everyone was tired of by 1989. But it does have its splashes of charm, including Cameron's symbol work and Grohl's avant garde use of nine track cassette looping. Give a man an ear and he will fish for days, but give a man some raw guitar distorted with the use of a model airplane as a pic and you will feed a man chowder for life. Although, the cover is a bit cliche, it still sets a tone that makes way for the second half of this wall to wall noise explosion of salad dressing. "Paper Cuts" is about filing taxes before computers. The narrator (Cobain) drills off reasons why EZ forms are not so easy. He brings us closer to his reality of a struggling musician trying to deal with the wall of society and his penchant for buying junk bonds. The listener soon realizes that there's no way the narrator could possibly use an EZ form given his alimony payments, joint stock adventures, and special dividends. Cobain shrieks "If I can't be EZ I can't be me!" to a vacant room as the song ends and one can almost hear papers rustling in the background before giving way to Cameron's famous steak sauce for ketchup double shotgun two tap drum beat. "Negative Creep" is Christ's turn to shine. With what can only be called forgettable guitar playing he laps up the volume box as he delves into the suicide bomber riffs that bring plenty of laughs to coeds in a balls to the wall circus of the stars steel wheeling lullaby two story beat of concrete Pat Buchanan beat boxing on a silver table atopped with gold house party adventure-con. "Scoff" begins with a short poem about Grohl's need to leave Seattle and start his own band that will make one good record and then a bunch of theme music for Transformers films. Cobain then chimes in with an eerie preternatural image of Lake Washington overrun by a giant retailer and slaver. Once again, Christ's jaw dropping, vomit inducing, chili fries in a dryer turned to max guitar work ladles on the funk over Cobain's jaded lyrics. "Swap Meet" is about young love at a swap meet. Plus Grohl's bending tuba performance that makes that show Manimal look like a documentary about cat videos. "Mr. Mustache" is a debonair nuance into the casualness of sex in the 80s. Cobain claims that "Love can't be found in an empty condom wrapper in the back of a 711 with two fifty" (in his pocket). The song explodes with more capable tuba work and drum slams cut off at the chase by Cobain on a detuned fiddle in a casino in Fife. The song ends with the sound of one of the Buffalo slot machines paying off. The album ends with "Sifting" which is a slow Bell Biv Devoe-esque number that will have your family rump shaking in no time. The song was later appropriated to the theme music of "Family Matters" and is in everyone's hearts still today. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to this song while spooning a pillow case full of sauerkraut. I give this album a B+.
Are there any decent cigar lounges in the Seattle area? I am relatively new to the area and every search I try usually brings up small tobacco shops, vape stores, or bars. Would prefer any recommendations in the Northern Seattle area, around Lynnwood, but given would appreciate any recommendation of a worthwhile spot.
I have been living in the Seattle area since 1979. Having said that, your first rule of thumb when living in Seattle is to lie about how long you have lived here. There you are - you're established. Now you need some obscure lingo to drive the point home that you are a native. Here's some buzz words and names: Duwamish, The Wheedle on the Needle, Wayne Cody, Downtown Freddie Brown, etc. You can find a plethora of lost Seattle names, terms, etc. at any Lynnwood Garage Sale. Terms to avoid: Dick's, Beth's, Olympia or Rainier beer, and any espresso company. These are dead give aways that you are trying too hard. Stick with the old lumber - like Jafco, Payless, and Wigwam. Example: I moved here in 1982. I can remember seeing Wayne Cody in Payless buying adult diapers and a case of beer. Once you craft a good story you can avoid the abuse of "native" Seattlites. There's like five. Moving right along, you'll want to familiarize yourself with the Puget Sound area. Looks like it's Olympia to Everettish and Bremertonish to Redmondish. That's a big area. We don't really have the time to go town to town, but we'll hit the bigger areas. Olympia: this is a great place to stop and get breakfast on your way home from Ocean Shores or Oregon. This is the only reason to go to Olympia. Oh, and a liberal arts college. Those are the two things Olympia is good for. Oh, and being in a girl band. Apparently there's some governmental apparatus down there, but I didn't finish the brochure in the Denny's. Between Olympia and Tacoma: This is the area where there is nothing. Back in the 1800s, people built Olympia and then said "the hell with building any more liberal arts colleges" and moved North skipping most of the swamps and the bogs on the way until they got bored and built one of the biggest military bases in the country. So, you can just shut your eyes from Olympia to Tacoma. You won't miss anything. Tacoma: BUZZ WORD ALERT: Tacoma aroma. This will get you mad street cred as well. A hub of (another buzz word) PULP AND PAPER, Tacoma boasts a smell somewhere between that patch of 405 near Renton and that weird hops and coffee smell near the old Rainier building. They also have a glass museum that one guy opened....has a patch, smells like Tacoma, beats kittens....that one guy. Fife: Imagine Blade Runner with no technology - just dilapidated warehouses and smoke. Add meth users and casinos. Federal Way: Home of the Green River Killer. Federal Way boasts a mall, the ruins of Weyerhaeuser, and a ton of small lakes. BUZZ WORD: PJ Pockets: a pool hall you could really get shot in. Auburn: Auburn is Seattle's answer to Mama's Family. Let's say you love the rural south, but pine for Native American culture: look no further than Auburn. INSIDER TIP: Cheap entertainment can be had by going to the burn pit at the firework stand on the reservation. It's like a new installment of Jackass. Kent: Kent has been the whipping boy for South Seattle for many years. Sure there's more AA meetings than people and sure even the Mormons in Kent are on meth, but make no mistake...I forgot what I was going to say. BUZZWORD: Caveman BBQ. Renton: Imagine a Vape store. Now imagine people living in that Vape store. Then put a small shopping center in there and a pro sports team's training facility. Now imagine everyone is shoplifting. That's Renton. Sea Tac: The only reason to go to Sea Tac is 13 Coins. The food has gone down hill a bit, but the ambiance is still there. Oh, wait. The airport is in Sea Tac. TIP: They have rejuvenation rooms in the C terminal to get the smell of Sea Tac off of you before you leave. Also, Sea Tac boasts 20 hand job parlors for every man in Auburn. Algona: Only exists on maps. Right under the dragon and the legend. Pacific: The closest body of water to "Pacific" is the 32 ounce coke you can buy at the Arco. Sumner: My buddy's dad had a Chinese restaurant out here. That's all I know about Sumner. Des Moines: Close your eyes, hold your nose and run as fast as you can to Redondo. Covington: Once you go Covington you never go back: Covington boasts the epicenter of casual dining (Red Robin, etc.) and complications from diabetes and heart disease will leave you stationary. Maple Valley: This is a swell place to raise a family...with the other 23 million people raising families in this area. Honestly, this town would make a chicken farm blush. I had a friend who lived here and his porch was his neighbor's bedroom. Kennydale: You know that place where you can stand in four or five states at the same time? Well, you can stand in 20 tax brackets in Kennydale. Factoria: Goldberg's is good. There's a DMV. You can also see hookers in their natural environment at Nordstrom Rack. Issaquah: Issaquah is Seattle's playground. You get the same pretentiousness coupled with an REI, a trail network, a lake, and GASTROPUBS! GASTROPUBS! GASTROPUBS! TRIVIA: Ted Bundy killed a bunch of people here. Newcastle: For one reason or another I know that New Castle has the largest population of South Africans. Hey, remember that Lethal Weapon with the bad guy South Africans? Um...oh, I know! One of the best views is at Newcastle golf course. You can see all the way to Seattle. First best? Top of Issaquah Highlands. I should have mentioned that in the Issaquah part. Anyway, that was an awesome Lethal Weapon. Redmond: Home of Microsoft and three months of The Steve Miller Band playing at Marymoor. There's also a Wholefoods. Woodinville: One big D.U.I. Bellevue: There's a mall. Mercer Island: Rich people and (BUZZWORD) ROANOKE INN. I think Steve Jobs lived here. Oh, wait. No, it's Paul Allen. Or is it? Seattle: There's a space needle. Kirkland: Um... Everett: Exactly like Fife if everyone in Fife thought it was 1982 and had never left the city to find out otherwise. Bothel: also goes by the name Burien. Those are some of Puget Sound's hot spots. But how can you live in this area? First! Have money. The average studio apartment in Seattle runs one coca a month. That's the net worth of one cocaine plantation. As you move South and North the price goes down, but East and West you'll be dealing with much the same market. Bring a tent! It's no secret that you can live for free in Seattle with the use of a tent. Just pitch your tent wherever and BUILD BUILD BUILD! That's one thing Amazon and the homeless have in common! Know the language: I've supplied you with a few buzz words to get you by, but only you can sell it. I recommend watching Alice in Chains or Nirvana Unplugged and edit out the music. That nasal drip voice speaks volumes when you use it to order tea or heroin at your favorite coffee shop. The Locks. I don't remember what The Locks are, I don't know what they do, and I don't want to know. However, once you tell out of towners to visit them and hear about how boring they are, you are officially a Seattlite. The Space Needle: 20 dollars for THIS? Five Point: Trendy? Probably. Worth it? Most definitely. The Monorail: How long does it take to get from the Space Needle to WE'RE HERE Westlake on the monorail? EMP: Oompa Loompa Ooompala Dee see Paul Allen's garage for a nominal fee! The Flight Museum: This is the best museum ever. I can't tell you how amazing this...I've never been there. Eddie Vedder: Lives in West Seattle. He's out playing drums in front of Duke's on Tuesdays. Kurt Cobain: Check out his old house and exchange totally embarrassed looks with other 40 year olds that still live with their parents. Jimmy Hendrix: You have to go to Renton. See RENTON. Politics: if you can hold it in your hand it can be composted. Well, that's a rough guide for the novice. Thanks and Keep Clam! P.S. You can buy pot!
From a satirical comment an old post on /r/ScottishPeopleTwitter with some formatting fixes
I'll square go every American on this thread. Yer fae Texas aye? Everything's bigger in Cumbernauld. Yer fae New York? Cumbernauld shopping centre me some of that concrete jungle. Yer fae Kansas aye pal? Boom, Harthill services, Heart of the Country. Las Vegas pal? Maybury casino where the Edinburgh City bypass meets that road that no one is sure if it's the M8 or not but still ken has an International climbing centre so Pitbull eat yer heart out. Bible belt? Canny dance on a Sunday in the Western Isles. Rednecks? Fife. Opioid Crisis? Kicking it back old skool with Irvine Welsh fae Muirhouse 'Aids Capital of Europe' MCF ya radge bam. Napa wine valley? Jam and Jute. Bears and shit? Seagulls fae Aberdonia would rip a wolves heed aff (if he possessed a chippy). Word to your Mum (not Mom ya Admiral trainer) Detroit? Dunfermline Primark was buzzing til the Edinburgh one opened up and now everyone left Chicago? Violence and a disproportionate amount of people claiming to be Irish? Take a bow Glasgow. Miami? Magaluf with girls used to being in bikinis so you dinny get to see some side flaps. Seattle? Stole the rain fae us. Florida? M&D's.
About the PI hired by K Pap/Friday Night Light reading for your edification
I decided to check out this man's bona fides. Sean Ditty is a retired sheriff. There are 3 Google reviews for him. I've copied/pasted them here for your reading pleasure, omitting the posters' names. Oldest: 1 star "3 years ago- DO NOT HIRE THIS MAN. After trying to attempt a small claims case, and this "ex sheriff" evading being service, I filed with Department of consumer affairs, at this point is the only invoice we received from this man, and its ridiculous and clearly faked. Just email me and Ill email you a scanned copy of my invoice before you hire him, and a sheriff notice who tried to serve Sean 3 times and the Sheriff claimed Sean was Evading service. He literately hid out to avoid court." Next up we have a 5 star review, 1 year ago: "Sean answered my calls or called me back right away. I had a Spousal support case where my ex-husband was receiving support while living with his girlfriend before the divorce was final. I found Sean by searching for P I 'so in the area where he lived. I live a long distance away. Sean not only investigated my case, his report convinced the judge to terminate the support order, but also he was very encouraging to me when we talked. He was my cheerleader. I needed that. I had had 2 different attorneys, neither of whom were encouraging at all. They did produce some useful documents and guidance through the court system for a total of $7000. After letting the 2nd one go, I had the bright idea to hire a private investigator and Sean was great. He helped me through my pro-per trial. I highly recommend him when you need someone with experience." And finally, another one star review, 1 year old: "This guy makes Barney Fife look like a genius. My wife hired him to do surveillance on me. His investigator (his wife) admitted she lost sight of me but then ASSUMED I turned into a casino. So she proceeded to take a photo of a pickup truck near the casino hotel that WASN'T mine and sent it to my wife. The truck she photographed was a Chevy, Z71, 4 door Crew Cab with four door handles. Mine is a Chevy Silverado extended cab with two door handles. But hey, they're both white, at least she got that right. Utter incompetence! I had to give 1 star to post this. If I could give negative stars, I would." So you can make of these what you will, but I found them laughable.
Going from Vegas to Washington in January for a week seeing the sights and looking at work possibilities, could use some opinions on stuff
So in the beginning of January I will head up to Washington for a week, anyone have any recommendations for rent a car services and cheap motels to rent but not so cheap as to see me murdered? I am heading up there to see the sights and kinda gauge if it is the kind of place I want to move to, as I am pretty much sick and fed up of Las Vegas, its people and the sun being so god awful year round (I hate sunlight, it isn't a medical thing) Currently I work bingo in a casino and have been in the business for the past 7 years or so, but I don't have a highschool diploma or equivalent I have a good chunk of money saved up and have always just enjoyed the thought of washington because of its green, its weather and just calm looking area, I figure it would be a nice place to kinda try and figure out just what I want to do with the rest of my life Anyway what kinds of things should I be looking at in the Tacoma-Seattle region? I know there is a gambling hall dedicated to just bingo in Fife and that might be my best shot but I am still going to look around And as for housing, am I better off house renting or apartment renting? I don't want to invest in any property just in case things go wrong but I also want to know where the better area is, I know that areas near Tacoma have had a bad rep as far as crime goes but I also know Seattle is expensive as fuck so I am unsure where the best middle ground in comfortable surroundings is, and what should I expect to pay as far as rent and monthly expenses go for a single guy who doesn't really do much Also since I will be up there for a week, what should I see? is there anything you would absolutely recommend someone to look at when up in Washington that might have them saying "wow this is quite the place to live" or are there things you would want to tell me to keep me away? And also sorry for the structure of my post, I am not the best with grammar and such things, just wanted to ask my questions and hopefully get some sensible input, thank you.
“Oh, beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly, Sing the dead march as you carry me along. Take me to the valley then lay the sod o'er me, I'm a young cowboy and know I've done wrong.”
Marty Robbins, "Streets of Laredo"
The Hunter reached Laredo at high noon. He thought that fitting. High noon used to mean something in Laredo, back when the frontier was still a landlocked concept. It was a time when legends slung their guns and met their makers. Laredo’s history had been written in lead back then. Now the city was a carcass in the middle of the Texan Deadzone. There hadn’t been a shootout here in a long, long time. That was fine by the Hunter. Let the others have the Tower, with all its shining marble and stuffy politicians. Let them have the City, with all its crowded noise and squabbling factions. He even let them have his Wilds -- his beloved Wilds -- if only they would let him keep the Deadzones. The Deadzones were all he had left. They were the last frontier on Earth. The last places of silence. There was too much noise now -- too many voices, too many radios, too many people needing to know where he was and what he was doing and telling him how he ought to do his job. A gust of wind blew a cloud of dust over the Hunter. He stopped and let it pass over him. While in the cloud he looked up at the sky and frowned. The Hunter knew better than to be so bitter. The Tower was good. The City was good. The loss of the Wilds was good. It was progress -- a step forwards. A step towards something better. The future. Wasn’t it? The dust passed the Hunter by and left him and his thoughts behind. He looked back down and took a step -- then stopped. Every piece of him went tight. The Hunter brought out his Ghost and bid it listen. They heard an impossible thing. Noise. Noise in a Deadzone. The Ghost’s spars swivelled. The noise came again: weak, dry -- human. “There,” said the Ghost. “You’re certain?” asked the Hunter. “I am.” “Then lead.” The two followed the sound that should not be through a long winding path of bombed out and dust drowned streets. The going was slow; every step they took changed the angle from which the sound came from. They walked a maze made of echoes. At last they came to the noise’s home: a husk of a casino, its grandeur long since eroded by desert winds and dust devils. It stood two storeys tall and slumped with shame. The Hunter stepped over a carpet of broken glass and through the casino’s front doors. He drew his gun from its holster and cocked the hammer. His Ghost turned on its flashlight and strobed the casino’s lobby from left to right. The noise came again, and the Ghost snapped its light on the source. It was a man. A young man, barely out of his twenties. He lay against the far wall of the lobby so thickly coated in dust that he looked like just another pile of rubble. The noise came from the man again -- a weak, dry wheezing that bounced all around the casino lobby and out into the dead city. The Hunter holstered his gun. The man was an inch from death. The Hunter walked up to him and crouched down at his side. The man turned his head and wheezed a word so faint that the Hunter had to bend his head to the man’s lips to hear. “Water,” wheezed the man. The Hunter took a canteen from his belt and unscrewed the cap. He lifted the canteen to the man’s lips and poured the slightest few drops on them. The man came to life. His lips danced and rubbed together, squeezed as much moisture into them as possible. One of his hands snapped up to the canteen and took it from the Hunter’s hands with strength that he did not expect. The man gulped down the water as though it were the nectar of the gods. His face glowed with bliss for a few lovely seconds before it scrunched up in pain. The man retched up a spray of red-tinged water that drenched the front of his ragged clothes. The Hunter looked at where the water landed and saw a crater in the man’s stomach, half buried in dust. He reached out a hand and brushed the man’s wound with a touch lighter than light itself. The man spasmed and groaned. The Hunter took his hand back. Tender flesh, but no blood. The wound must have been cauterized. That explained why the man was still alive, even when buried in dust, even when in the middle of a Deadzone. Normal stomach wounds were slow -- excruciatingly so -- but with one like this the man might still have two or three days of agony left in him. “How?” asked the Hunter. He took the canteen from the man’s hand and helped him take tiny sips. “Pilgrimage,” said the man. He was impatient with the Hunter’s pace, and kept trying to take larger gulps despite his wheezing. “Pilgrimages don’t go through Deadzones.” The man trembled. The Hunter couldn’t tell if it was from pain or reluctance. “Storm. Lost our guide. Lost our way.” “How long ago?” “Week? Feels long.” The man closed his eyes and held his mouth open for more water. “Been out here for two months.” He held back the canteen. “No storms.” The man’s eyes snapped open. They were full of frustrated tears. “Water. Please.” “Truth.” The Hunter slid the cap back onto the canteen. “Please.” “I’m dying.” “You’ve still got time. Speak straight.” “Why?” “You took an arc bolt to the gut and wound up in the middle of a Deadzone. There’s worrying implications to take from that.” The man squeezed his eyes shut. At last he opened them and gave the faintest of nods. “Okay.” The Hunter took the cap off his canteen and offered it to the man. He took a long, slow sip and leaned his head back against the wall. “I was in a scav crew. We poked around old places. Cities mostly.” “Scavving for what?” “Anything. Guns. Tech. Books.” “Out here? Can’t be dealing with the City.” “No.” The man wheezed through a gulp of water. “We didn’t.” “Didn’t deal with outposts either.” “No.” “No towns left to trade with in these parts.” “...No.” The Hunter knew only one other option for a desperate scavenger. One terrible, disgusting option. The Hunter stared at the man with silent fury. “Please. Don’t make me say it.” More silence. “I know I’ve done wrong.” The Hunter snatched the canteen from the dying man’s grasp and stuck it back on his belt. “I’ve half a mind to leave you here and let you die slow.” “You’d be right to.” The man looked down at what was left of his torso. Tears carved out rivers on his dust-caked face. The Hunter’s Ghost spun its spars and floated down to its Guardian’s shoulder. “You know we can’t do that,” it whispered. “Even if he sold to Fallen.” The Hunter didn’t reply. He watched the dying man die some more. “This is a Deadzone,” he said. “The last bit of Wilds left. The last bit of frontier.” The Hunter stood up and drew his gun. “You know what that means?” The dying man kept his eyes down and nodded. “No laws.” “No laws.” The Hunter raised his gun. “Except me.” The Hunter walked back out into the dead streets of Laredo. He holstered his gun and took out his canteen. He stared at it then tossed it into the dust and looked west. There the sun was crawling beneath the horizon and the sky was stained a deep red. The Hunter walked towards the sunset. He thought that fitting.
Hey chummers, this is the special that I told you about, a few extra pieces of news that showed up on my feed, as well as a special the feeds off an article from Monday, enjoy chummers
The H-Net News logo flashes across an outstretched UK banner and a fife and drums are heard playing in the background. The camera pans in on an exceptionally attractive elf with surprisingly bad teeth who smiles to the camera and gives her long brown hair a small shake. She speaks with a charming british accent “Thank you, H-Net Worldwide, I’m Elizabeth Moore with H-Net UK, here to give you the news from across the pond.” “We’ve got three short pieces for you today, mostly involving Wales. The country came under scrutiny on a national scale when security measures along a dangerous mountain path leading to fabled Cadair Idris were tampered with, allowing the release of Awakened wolves into populated areas, resulting in three deaths and many more injuries. Local LEOs arrived on the scene within minutes of the reports, and managed to repel the beasts.” The image of a heavily furred wolf appears on the screen, its shoulder reaching nearly mid-torso of the human male next to it for scale. Its back is covered in spiked scales which protrude slightly from underneath its fur, and a pale violet light seems to emanate from its eyes and in constantly changing patterns underneath its fur. Its two upper fangs seem to be roughly the size of a human hand. “Though this is sad news, and our condolences go out to the families of those affected by the beast’s assault, the United Kingdom would like to remind both her citizens and the world that the country is taking all the safety precautions it can, as evidenced by the arrest of three unnamed terrorists from Edinburgh Airport by investigators from Scotland Yard. The prisoners were transported to an unnamed facility in Scotland for processing, and the Yard informs us they have since been handled. Scotland Yard declined to reveal the identities of those arrested, allegedly for the prisoners’ own safety.” An image from Edinburgh Airport pops up, showing four Scottish police in full body armor and assault rifles flanking a group of three blurred out metahumans. A trio of men wearing the classic dusters of Scotland Yard, the trio composed two humans and an ork, seem to be in deep, agitated, conversation. Though the three prisoners are blurred out, you manage to make out what appears to be the edge of a kilt on one, the top of a cowboy hat from the middle one, and a small Japanese flag protruding from hair of the last prisoner. “The United Kingdom would also like to remind the world of some of the beautiful locations to visit, such as the venerated Cadair Idris in Wales. Currently, access is restricted until the repairs are complete, but reports of higher than average mana saturation in the area have acted as a draw for the magically inclined in the past, and for any true outdoorsman, the hike and views are their own reward. Of course, there are those who have undertaken the mythical challenge of sleeping on the slope in hopes of awakening the greatest of bards, most notably Edward Treffington, whose latest single has broken records across the UK. The myth states that if you do not awake filled with bardic inspiration you will soon go insane. Given that Treffington was recently heard arguing with himself after a performance in London last week, it's possible both halves of the myth are true.” A breathtaking view of the Welsh countryside expands before you; to the right, a high plateau with a lake can be seen, though no path appears to exist leading to it; to the left, the mountainside gradually blends with a large forest. “Well folks, that’s all we have time for tonight, but from across the pond, I’m Elizabeth Moore. Tune in next week for more news.” Author: eljakob737 Source: The Initiation of Radge, Shizuka, and Poncho [Shadow Broker]>>>: Oi, any of you fraggers getting tangled up in the mafia? Yeah? Thats what I thought. You’re gonna want to listen to this commcall I intercepted. Voice 1 (deepish, rich Italian accent) : “So the reason I’m calling, you fottuto idiota, is because somehow those Ciarnello bastardos got ahold of the data YOU TWO were supposed to be protecting and then selling, OR DID YOU FORGET THAT PART?” Voice 2 (nasaly, slight traces of accent) : “Boss, I’m sorry, I honestly don’t know what happened. Everything was going according to plan. My guy Maximillian made the drop just like we talked about, the judge’s aide bet everything, lost it, and then won it all back, including the chip with the data. Nathan, this all went down exactly like this, yeah?” Nathan (no trace of italian accent) : “Don, I swear to you on my grandmother’s grave, that’s exactly what happened. Like my father before me, the Benellis have always been your men, and the Casino Americana has always kept a table open for you.” Don: “Then WHY, my allegedly loyal men, did my deal with Hogan fall through, on account of the PICTURES OF HIM WITH BUNRAKU HAVING DISAPPEARED?! Giovanni, I expected more from you. And Nathan, you promised me this plan was foolproof. Now I’ve got a city judge gunning for me, AND one of my favorite fronts is under investigation by the thecavilieri cazzo, Knight Errant! Pezzo di merda, what am I going to do? Gio, Nathan, you better pray you don’t wake up with a horse head in your bed. Odds are the Ciarnellos are gonna try and extort the judge just like we did, so you know what? You two? You’re on damage control. Until I give a direct order otherwise.” [Shadow Broker]>>>: So, if any of you didn’t pick up on it, thats the DON of the fraggin GIANELLI FAMIGLIA. And it seems some of you cheery do-gooders have managed to piss him off. Hope the money was worth it. How do I know it was some of you? Please. As if the Ciarnellos have the wherewithal to pull something this quiet off. That bit about the judge, though, that’s golden. These politicians like to pretend they’re the heroes of Seattle. Heh. You know what a hero is, right? Someone who gets everyone else killed. Anyway, the Gianelli’s are probably gonna look to retaliate, hope you covered your tracks if you were part of the team that did this. Watch your backs, chummers. Author: eljakob737 Source: Twenty-One to Win -Removing the copyright information from pictures of animals and uploading them to the matrix. The perpetrators are still at large. Back to you, Chet. The Horizon Network News logo flashes across as the screen as the scene transitions to an implausibly milquetoast, besuited man sitting at a large, polished desk. Thanks, Rebecca. If you have any information regarding this flagrant violation of intellectual property law, please contact us at the matrix address on your screen. The camera angle jumps to show a different view of the studio. Chet’s gaze shifts with it and he flashes a corp-approved set of pearly whites, putting on his most gregarious smile for this next, assuredly hilarious bit of news. Now on to our next segment. Regular viewers have been following along with our ongoing expose of Amadeus Jones’, the disastrous inaugural run of his “retro-coaster,” and the mysterious figure that stepped in to save the day. According to eyewitness reports there may be more to this strange tale. Here’s Bobby Vetter with more on “Between the Cracks.” The image of Chet’s smiling face freezes and a series of cracks and fractures appears on the screen, forming the unfortunate words “Between the Cracks.” The camera zooms into one of the larger gaps in the logo and we find ourselves staring at a wiry man with short brown hair and a dramatically cocked eyebrow. He is wearing a black, collared shirt, red tie, and grey, buttoned vest. Good evening, Seattle! I’m Bobby Vetter and welcome to Between the Cracks! where we cover the weird the forgotten and the downright implausible side of your local news! Tonight’s story is a strange new wrinkle in the unfolding tale of Mr. Jones and the local “hero” some are calling Wonder Mint! I’m sure you all know the story by now. Mr. Jones built an authentic retro-style roller coaster. Complete down to the lack of modern safety innovations. Due to shoddy welding, the tracks collapsed out from under the coaster on its first run. Just before the helpless passengers got a one-way ticket to ++Afterlife unavailable. User metrics corrupt.++, a mysterious figure in the crowd caught them with what has been described as “absurdly” powerful magic. Since then, we’ve heard allegations that Mr. Jones hired incompetent engineers, bribed inspectors to sidestep construction codes and safety standards, and even that he planned the whole thing as some kind of publicity stunt gone wrong! But what if there was more to the story, and to the mysterious woman who saved the passengers? According to eyewitness reports, just after they felt the surge of magic that saved the coaster, numerous electronic devices in the area began to malfunction. This included any cameras that would otherwise have captured an image of the mysterious, green-clad heroine who rapidly fled the scene. Coincidence, conspiracy, or something... Else? To get to the bottom of this mystery, we went out and talked to several witnesses who were there to see the strange sequence of events unfold that day. The screen goes black and we transition to the modest interior of a small, suburban household. An exhausted human woman with blonde hair, a pale complexion and a no-nonsense pants suit sits on a couch with three fidgeting, barely compliant children dressed in their Sunday best. The text superimposed at the bottom of the screen reads "Angie Buttersmith, Realtor, mother of three and witness to the BIZARRE! Bobby Vetter: You saw the coaster collapse? Angie Buttersmith: Um... Yeah. We were there for Billy's birthday. We were in line to get on the next run, so we had a pretty good view of it. Uh... Yeah. BV: Go on... AB: Uh... Right. So when it fell it looked like it was going to hit us, and I heard someone behind us shouting to look out. I was starting to grab the two little ones when I felt something... Really weird. The Middle Child: It tingled! AB: Yeah... Something like that. Anyway, I grabbed them and we started to run, and I was... Uh maybe panicking a little bit. A piece of the track hit Chester. The camera zooms in on the forehead of the eldest child, where a large blue band-aid is affixed. AB: But I guess I expected, uh ... I looked up after we got a bit away from it and saw the cart just, sort of floating. It was... Yeah, it just sort of slowly... drifted down after that. BV: Did you notice anything else... Unusual? AB: Uh, yeah. The security guards all Just sort of fell over... And my eye - I have a cyber eye. It, uhh started looping footage from when I was looking up at the coaster. BV: Fascinating. And you saw who did all this? The Youngest: Wonder Mint! AB: Sort of... I mean, I saw her, but she just looked like another person running away. I didn't really put it together until I saw the... Interview on the news with the park's, uh, mage. With his whole police sketch and all that. A graphic of the sketch appears, showing a beautiful woman in her mid-twenties. She has mint-green hair, emerald eyes, and sharp facial features. She is wearing a calm, confident expression. BV: If you saw her again do you think you'd recognize her? AB: Uh, I- Chester: She was so pretty! The Middle Child: She had a cape and everything! The children mindlessly gush about Wonder Mint for a while as Angie attempts to reign them in. There is a cut in the footage, and Angie is on the couch by herself. BV: What would you say to her if she were here right now? AB: I... Uh I mean, I'd thank her. She saved us. I don't care if she's a mage or a... Technomancer... Or some other thing. If it weren't for her me and my kids might not be here... I'd say that's what really matters. The scene transitions back into the studio, where Bobby awaits with steepled fingers. Folksy, down-to-earth wisdom that was echoed by nearly everyone we spoke to. No matter their opinion if the mystery woman, though, everyone wanted to know the same two things. Who she is... And what she is. To answer one of these questions, I spoke with the head of Awakened Studies at the University of Washington, Dr. Berry Mandelbrot. The scene fades and transitions once again. This time we find ourselves in a well-furnished office, facing across an oaken, antique-looking desk at a portly man with grey hair a fantastic moustache, and wrinkles for days. Behind him is a bookshelf full of various, apparently ancient grimoires, magic-looking knick-knacks, and a coffee mug full of wands. Dr. Mandelbrot: I'm sorry... Could you repeat the question? BV: Is it possible... That Wonder Mint is both a technomancer and a magician? A techno-magician if you wi- DM: No. BV: ... Okay. But if it were possible- DM: It's not. BV: ... So it's fair to say that you're skeptical. How do you explain what she did at the coaster? DM: She cast a powerful levitation spell, and managed to mask her astral signature from the park's security spirits. There is no doubt that - whoever she is - she's a powerful magician. Also, likely formally trained, but that's just my speculation. As far as all the glitches go, though. If I had to guess, I'd say she probably had a cyberdeck in her coat or something. BV: We cut back to Barry in the studio. So there you have it. Dr. Mandelbrot seems convinced... But then so do the people on the street. Is Wonder Mint a techno-magician, as the evidence suggests? Is she a charlatan as the good doctor seems to believe? Is she a dangerous, unregistered awakened... Or a noble hero of the people? You decide! Vote in our poll online at the following matrix address. Don't forget to stay vigilant, and never let the truth fall between the cracks! That's all from me! Back to you, Chet. Author: So_Useless Source: Mr. Jones' Wild Ride Joining>>>: UnderNET: Underground Forums Accessing Topic: re- Recent Murders. Original Post: Hey, so there’ve been a lot of murders down here, chummers. Make sure that you travel in groups, because most of the murders have been people who’ve been walking alone. Most recent one was a few days ago. And from what we know, there’ve been a lot of murders. Just make sure that you keep together. You’re always safer in groups than just by yourself. The Skraacha can’t be everywhere, and it’s always a good idea to make the Underground just a little bit safer. - Posted by [Sledge, Moderator] Recent Posts>>>
Shit, she’s dead. My niece is dead. She was only 14, and was on her way from taking classes. Murdered, a bullet in her head, and some fragged up scratches on her body. She was my niece. What am I gonna tell her mother? She gets off tonight at midnight. - Posted by [Kurling] Damn man, you get my feels. I had a cousin die to whoever’s doing this the night before. He was murdered the same way, fraggin’ bullet to the head and scratches. Betcha ten nuyen it’s a breeder, getting his jollies off by killin orks in the Underground. No reprecussions, no worries ‘cause he can get out easy. Underground members, unite! - [VoiceofSauron] Doubt it. My brother was melted in acid, none of his implants anywhere near his body. Whoever did that was a sick and twisted fuck, but they would have attracted attention doing it down here if they’d been human. Might be a serial killer. Someone hiding out in the underground, making sure that they aren’t tracked down by the cops above-ground by picking off us SINless down here. - [HoundHorn] They might be a rival gang, trying to make us all not like the Skraacha. I hurd that the Skraacha was too busy dealing with another gang trying to move in on their Purp district turf. They, uh, might be decidin’ to go after the real threat instead of trying to track down whoever did it. - [Gangrel] Doubt it. Skraacha don’t want to deal with it ‘cause they get to charge more for protection. More fear means better protection racket. I’m already paying an arm and a leg for their prices - Anon Whoever Anon is, they’re stupid for posting that in a public forum. Skraacha gonna get’cha. - [Wiggles] So, uh, I don’t know if any of you fine folks on the forums here have heard, but I, uh, hired some outside help to deal with whoever, or whatever, was attacking good people down here. I got in touch with some good folk after [Kurling]’s niece got jumped this morning, and, well, they took care of what was preying on good people. If any of you want to see what did it, I’ve got the head of it here. ::head.png:: -[Sledge, Moderator, OP] Holy shit [Sledge], what is that thing? Is that a vampire head? Whoever took that thing out, they’ve gotta be hot-drek, ‘cause from what I’ve heard, vamps ain’t no pushover. -[HoundHorn] Shopped image. Look at the teeth, it’s not even a good job. [Sledge], quit making us believe that you have access to a group of scaaaaaary people, it’s getting really really old. -[LaterSin]
Not a shopped image. Vamp teeth are actually like that. I almost got jumped by one down here a few years back, damn thing almost broke my neck trying to drain me dry. Fortunately, it must have been a young one, ‘cause the Skraacha heard the scuffle and filled it full of bullets. Rose up twice before one of the Skraacha put an improv stake in its heart. -[FlamerFan] Sorry [HoundHorn], can’t go too much into detail ‘bout who killed it over the ‘trix. Never know who might be listenin’, and I know for sure that the Ork who helped out doesn’t want to get fingered by the authorities on the surface. If you want, I can tell you who helped out at the next ORC meeting down here. And [LaterSin], you don’t need to believe me. I’ve got the community’s back, even if they think they don’t need it. -[Sledge, Moderator, OP] ( Source These Needful Things, Author: KaneHorus ) <A male elf appears on the trid screen. He looks to be in his late 30s, his silver hair slicked back and groomed in the latest of executive hairstyles, He’s wearing a pale blue business jacket, and underneath it is a light tone grey vest atop a white dress shirt with a pastel yellow tie elegantly adorned around the shirt’s collar. He is sitting behind a desk with the Horizon Logo proudly displayed on it. He clears his throat, takes a drink from the glass of water that is to the right of him, a somber look appears on his face and he begins to speak> Hello Citizens of Seattle, my name is Eli Menoissimer Senior Executive of Media Affairs here at Horizon. I am here before you because of an incident involving an affiliate trideo news channel which broadcasted an inaccurate news report to the public and in doing so cast a negative light on those mentioned. First off I wish to issue an apology to those mentioned in the report. I want to make clear that there was no maliciousness or intent on doing harm when the report was released. Unfortunately it was an error of misunderstanding between the reporter and their sources and you have my assurance that this will not happen again. I want to make it very clear that Horizon’s News Media division strives for excellence in regards to our news reports, and in doing so it’s a constant demand on all our employees. We want it so that any news reports that is released by Horizon and her affiliates are as factual, fair, and unbiased as possible. Unfortunately the report in question that was released failed to meet these standards and resulted in a negative perception for all those involved. Again I apologize for this. Rest assured that those involved have learned a valuable lesson from this. That having the attention of the general public is a great burden to bear and a responsibility not to take lightly. That news has to be forged with facts, truths, and an accurate account of the events and anything less than that is nothing more than sensationalist propaganda and hearsay. I also want to let those mentioned in the inaccurate report know that the report in question has been retracted, and that the correct information has been released and all inaccuracies have been amended by the proper facts. We know that the report mentioned the ACHE as the location of the incident in question and this is highly inaccurate. In reality the incident took place in a Renraku Archology outside of Seattle. I thank you citizens of Seattle for allowing me to use your valuable time to make amends and allow us to regain any trust that might have been lost due to our error. So without further adieu I return you all to your regularly scheduled programming, thank you and take care Seattle. <Trid Screen fades to black> Author: Alpha_Ryvius Wow, never seen Horizon take back an article, guess somebody really fragged up around there. I'll try and vet a little better, but if those at the top of the chain are just pulling stuff like this outta left field I dunno how much I can do. Sorry chummers
[Shadow Broker]>>>: Hey there, chummers. I've gotten license from SysOp to speak to you all. Recently I've found my current ring of informants, while informative, frankly dull. If you have some info on something you think would be newsworthy, send it in a message to SysOp, and it'll get passed along to me. If its newsworthy, I'll make sure you're compensated for it. Shoot straight, chummers! (OOC) Stories can be sent to shadownetwork, redgrave277, eljakob737, or ciaphas_daemos. Reward is based on the following scale:
2 GMP: a prompt, nothing written or drafted
3 GMP: a written article, requires editing and proofreading
4 GMP: fully reddit-formatted article, editors can simply copy and paste into the actual post
Introduction to Black & White Photography Film Processing and Print Development(Arts and Humanities Council of Tulsa Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA)) Start Time: 12:00pm Admission: $55 Age restrictions: No Minors…
Going from Vegas to Washington in January for a week seeing the sights and looking at work possibilities, could use some opinions on stuff
I have already read the FAQs on the side about different foods, locations for sight seeing and areas for living, this is really a more general Washington question and I posted there once but seeing as how /Seattle has a massive amount of people who frequent it I figured I might get a few more interesting things before I head up. still deciding on if its better to live in the Tacoma area or possible bellingham or something This is my original post in /Washington So in the beginning of January I will head up to Washington for a week, anyone have any recommendations for rent a car services and cheap motels to rent but not so cheap as to see me murdered? I am heading up there to see the sights and kinda gauge if it is the kind of place I want to move to, as I am pretty much sick and fed up of Las Vegas, its people and the sun being so god awful year round (I hate sunlight, it isn't a medical thing) Currently I work bingo in a casino and have been in the business for the past 7 years or so, but I don't have a highschool diploma or equivalent I have a good chunk of money saved up and have always just enjoyed the thought of Washington because of its green, its weather and just calm looking area, I figure it would be a nice place to kinda try and figure out just what I want to do with the rest of my life Anyway what kinds of things should I be looking at in the Tacoma-Seattle region? I know there is a gambling hall dedicated to just bingo in Fife and that might be my best shot but I am still going to look around And as for housing, am I better off house renting or apartment renting? I don't want to invest in any property just in case things go wrong but I also want to know where the better area is, I know that areas near Tacoma have had a bad rep as far as crime goes but I also know Seattle is expensive as fuck so I am unsure where the best middle ground in comfortable surroundings is, and what should I expect to pay as far as rent and monthly expenses go for a single guy who doesn't really do much Also since I will be up there for a week, what should I see? is there anything you would absolutely recommend someone to look at when up in Washington that might have them saying "wow this is quite the place to live" or are there things you would want to tell me to keep me away? And also sorry for the structure of my post, I am not the best with grammar and such things, just wanted to ask my questions and hopefully get some sensible input, thank you. Pretty much the biggest reasons I am thinking of Washington is the environment, living in vegas my whole life has put me off of sunlight and desert for probably the rest of my life. I want someone very cloudy, gloomy, possibly rainy with green grass and trees, somewhere I can really just relax and get new perspectives on things. I am not completely opposed to the idea of living near the city in a nice studio apartment or something but I figured that Seattle would be absurdly expensive comparatively when thinking of little extras to pay for like in unit washer and dryer and that sort of thing Edit: Also I am not a very religious man, devil worship and vampire lovers do not bother me in the slightest so long as they keep to themselves and don't come bashing on my door like jehovas witness does, I have given some thought into freemasonry but won't trouble myself with that until I have spent a good amount of time in the community. I am mostly a recluse but I attribute that to the weather and atmosphere here, because on days where it is overcast and the sun is away I am usually out enjoying it and relaxing in the front or backyard
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